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AP-North Side of Chicago On Suicide Watch

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  • AP-North Side of Chicago On Suicide Watch

    Chicago - Following last night's game four World Series win by the World Champion Chicago White Sox, the entire north side of Chicago was put on suicide watch by Illinois governor Rod Blagojovic. The suicide watch was in effect for residedents living north of Madison Avenue up to the Wisconsin boarder and from the lakefront to the western boarder of Winnebago County. Iowa governor Thomas Vilsack was also considering declaring a suicide watch for his state due to the large number of Iowans who attend Chicago Cubs games.

    "We are really concerned about the welfare of Illinoisans who live north of Madison," said Blagojovic, a life-long Cubs fan. "Everyone has made a big deal about how long the White Sox have waited for a world series win. But what about those of us on the north side? We've been waiting longer than they have...we deserve it more than they do. I mean, look at the difference between the fans. Ours are hotter and better educated and can afford to take the day off from work to go to day games. You don't see that from the hillbilly shmucks down south."

    In addition to the suicide watch, Blagojovic has also announced that he will be appointing a blue ribbon commission to determine why the Tribune Company, the multi-billion dollar entity which owns the Chicago Cubs, has been so inept at putting a competitive team on the field.

    Despite the governor's declarations, there was happiness on the 5th floor of City Hall, where Chicago mayor and life-time White Sox fan Richard M. Daley works. "Absolutely fantastic," said Daley, who grew up in the Bridgeview neighborhood not far from Comiskey Park. "I just...I mean...I wish my Mom and Dad could have...you know...seen this. This is...the team...great...the city that works...and the team that works. That's what it's all about, isn't it? Blue collar...that's who gets the work...you know...gets the work done...and this team...I don't know what to say."

    Daley then stammered on for about an hour, making little if no sense, about everything from the 1919 White Sox to the Go-Go Sox of 1959 to the war in Iraq, the alledged Jennifer Aniston-Vince Vaughn kiss in Chicago, the meaning of life and the plan to issue fishing permits for the Chicago River, until being asked about Blagojovic's plans for the north side.

    "Screw him," snapped Daley. "Suicide watch...have you heard Cub fans on local radio the past few days? It's disgusting. What the Governor needs to do is declare 1060 W. Addison a State disaster area."
    Chicago Blackhawks done didn't do it again!

  • #2
    It's over already? Dang for decades I've tried to tune in for the locker room party... however the last time I recall doing that was when "Prime-Time" dumped a barrel of water and Ice on that former Cardnial catcher who now spends his time behind the booth instead of behind the plate.

    But that was probably sometime ago, huh?

    "Ooh woo, I'm a Rebel just for kicks, now
    I been feeling it since 1966, now..."

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Hardscrabble
      Illinoisans
      I always thought the term was Illini....you know, like the Fighting Illini of The University of Illinois.

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      • #4
        I only know one true long-time Sox fan here in Indy - the others are late comers or Cubs fans who magically morphed.
        He deserves all the fun he is having today, heck he even brought KrispyKremes to the office.

        although a life long Cleveland fan, I think an all-Chicago World Series would be outstanding
        Road racing is doomed...what this country needs is a big new racetrack designed for automobiles instead of horses. C.G. Fisher

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        • #5
          Originally posted by nascarnation
          although a life long Cleveland fan, I think an all-Chicago World Series would be outstanding
          Its been done, 1906 I believe. Sox won. I wonder what the ratings were like then?

          Hey, I'm a Cubs fan and wanted to see the Sox win. But I'm not from Chicago so I didn't choose the Cubs based on my geographical location in the city or socio-economic status.
          It's a Hoosier thing, you wouldn't understand...

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          • #6
            Have fun Sox fans, but don't expect Cub fans to feel differently about this World Series, and season, than any other. The White Sox could be from Altoona or Sheboygan for all I care.

            Wait'll next year!!
            Have a very blessed day!

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