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  • #31
    Man runs into a plastic surgeon's office, spies the doctor and pleads "Doc, you have to help me- I have five penises". The doctor is taken aback and says "Good Lord, man- How do your pants fit"? Man says "Like a glove"!
    "Factually Unfounded Opinion" Rep. Elijah Cummings
    "Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul in this world — and never will." Mark Twain

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    • #32
      Your long bear joke was funny, my long clone joke wasn’t.
      There is a difference.

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      • #33
        OK, sorry I didn't notice the bulge in your cheek where your tongue was firmly planted.

        Q: What did the grape say when it got run over by a truck?

        A: Nothing- It just gave out a little whine!
        "Factually Unfounded Opinion" Rep. Elijah Cummings
        "Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul in this world — and never will." Mark Twain

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        • #34
          A pair of robins are sitting in a tree watching Farmer Brown turn his field prior to planting, anticipating the feast to come. Eventually, they fly down and start eating earthworms to their little heart's content, unaware that Mr. Tomcat has been sleeping under a bush but is now awake and watching. "I think I ate too much" says one robin. "Me too", says the other, "I don't think I can fly back up into our tree. Let's just take a nap here in the sunshine" and they're soon asleep. Mr. Tomcat sees his chance, pounces on the two birds, gobbles them up and heads back to the bush for another nap thinking "I just love basking robins".
          "Factually Unfounded Opinion" Rep. Elijah Cummings
          "Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul in this world — and never will." Mark Twain

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          • #35
            Originally posted by fenderless View Post
            I always enjoyed Buddy Hackett's long-winded stories. Perhaps an acquired taste.
            There was a Buddy Hackett show that was on HBO, I think, and it was priceless!

            One of the cleaner bits was about how when he was young he had very bad skin...and a friend told him in order to get rid of acne, he had to get 'schtupped'. So he went to the drug store and asked the pharmacist, "Can I get schtupped here?" To which the pharmacist replied, "Not even with a prescription."
            You've worked so hard on the kidney. Very special -- the kidney has a very special place in the heart. It's an incredible thing. Donald John Trump

            Brian's Wish * Jason Foundation

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            • #36
              Originally posted by Jamski View Post

              There was a Buddy Hackett show that was on HBO, I think, and it was priceless!
              You Betcha! I have it recorded on an old VCR cassette and watch it every blue moon. Great storyteller.
              "Factually Unfounded Opinion" Rep. Elijah Cummings
              "Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul in this world — and never will." Mark Twain

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              • #37
                He and Carson were a hoot back in the day.
                I really enjoyed watching them having so much fun together.

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                • #38
                  Some great YouTube videos of them and I don't know what's funnier- Buddy's stories or watching Johnny Carson in stitches, unable to talk.
                  "Factually Unfounded Opinion" Rep. Elijah Cummings
                  "Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul in this world — and never will." Mark Twain

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                  • #39
                    There is a funny Hackett bit about being on a boat a fish and Anita Bryant.
                    "If you don't do it this year, you'll be another year older when you do"

                    http://davidm.smugmug.com/

                    http://www.jacksracephotos.net/

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                    • #40

                      My favorite book: NINJAS by Sam Urai.
                      Tibi Fumus Obsidio Septum Doro

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                      • #41
                        Look in Frank's pants.
                        It's a Hoosier thing, you wouldn't understand...

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                        • #42
                          https://www.trackforum.org/forum/com...tique-this-art

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                          • #43
                            I guess I just don't get the Midwest humor...
                            "Factually Unfounded Opinion" Rep. Elijah Cummings
                            "Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul in this world — and never will." Mark Twain

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                            • #44
                              Originally posted by fenderless View Post
                              I guess I just don't get the Midwest humor...
                              It's incredibly inscrutable.

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                              • #45
                                Indubitably.
                                "Factually Unfounded Opinion" Rep. Elijah Cummings
                                "Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul in this world — and never will." Mark Twain

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