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Do you speak Michigan?

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  • Do you speak Michigan?

    From the Detroit Free Press

    The Global Language Monitor Web site www.language-monitor.com estimates that English is now only about 5,000 words short of a million and could hit the mark this year. Not everyone agrees with the count, since not everyone agrees on what's a word. Global Language Monitor, for example, recently declared "obama" had become a word, with such usages as "obamamania" and "obamacize."

    Now surely there are some words special to Michigan that could be on the list, too. How about:

    permasnow, n., that little patch of snow in the shade that lands in November and just hangs around, often until May. Usage: She guided the lawnmower around the permasnow.

    pumpaphobia, n., the feeling of dread in a driver who sees the gas gauge on the SUV approaching E with regular at $3.19. Usage: The pumpaphobia was so severe that he could almost feel his wallet clenching in his pants as he approached the Speedway.

    cashfusion, n., raging uncertainty over what to do with the sudden infusion of cash from a buyout. Usage: Damn the cashfusion, he said after filling up the SUV, full speed ahead to the casino!

    empty-netter, n., a baby boomer with grown children and no 401(k) who has just blown a buyout check at the casino. Usage: Realizing she was an empty-netter with seven years to wait for Social Security, she called first her oldest son, the busy podiatrist, and got his voice mail.

    Michi-gone-der, n., a person leaving the state to find a job. Usage: She cried herself to sleep after her third child announced he, too, was a Michigoneder.

    textmess, n., not to be confused with spicy Southwestern cuisine, this is an inescapable predicament caused by others seeing words that you thought would always be private. Usage: I've got myself in such a textmess, all I can do is LOL.

    grandular, adj., in the manner of a certain governor, an enthusiastic way of speaking about things in Michigan that are not exactly looking up. Usage: Although surrounded by empty factories, she just went grandular when the subject turned to alternative energy.

    uncouch, v., the act of getting out to do yard work or other fresh-air activity after a long winter of being cooped up indoors. Usage: At last, he decided, this would be the day to uncouch and aerate the lawn; but then, a cloud passed in front of the sun.

    potwrecker, n., the pothole you never see at 60 m.p.h. Usage: Not three weeks after getting the realignment, he hit the darn potwrecker again and found himself going forward but looking out the side window.

    Lionitis, n., the unshakable belief that the Detroit Lions will play in a Super Bowl in your lifetime. Usage: He knew he should have been at his son's concert, but the Lionitis took hold, convincing him this was the day the team would turn that big corner.

    hazmidity, n., the combination of midsummer air pollution and humidity that inspires a rare longing for winter. Usage: The hazmidity was so oppressive he found himself wishing it was February, when he could couch.

  • #2
    Not everyone agrees with the count, since not everyone agrees on what's a word. Global Language Monitor, for example, recently declared "obama" had become a word, with such usages as "obamamania" and "obamacize."
    And I disagree with GLM on what's a word.
    Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the Keenest of them all?


    • #3
      Yoopers don't.
      I wish I knew - Dennis "Cutty" Wise

      When its game time, it's pain time! - Terrible Terry Tate


      • #4
        Buckeyeitis- a fear of sweater vests.

        My Band's website!!!!


        • #5
          Originally posted by don7031
          Yoopers don't.

          There's a new web portal being developed just for Yoopers - yahey.com
          "You see Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care."


          • #6
            Some more:

            Michigloom - typical Michigan weather
            Pop - soda
            Map - your right hand with the palm facing you
            "Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate."

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